Marriage Seminar by Rev. J.O. Soyinka on May 18,1991
PREAMBLE
I am making this clarion call to all who will be affected (myself inclusive) directly or indirectly by the subject matter of this seminar. A compulsion has been laid on me by God to hold this seminar. Also,with the many and varied experiences I have had with many of you over this issue of marriage these few years in office,God asked me to tell you the truth. Therefore, I take full responsibility for whatever I say here and I alone am answerable to God for same. I am by no means procuring a remedy to make marriage problem free; this is beyond me and it is not the motive.The motive is to tell you the truth and nothing but the truth about marriage.
This is neither a lecture nor a talk, but it is a forum where each one of us can lay bare our minds on any point that will be raised in the seminar paper. The paper is by no means comprehensive but it covers most of the salient points relating to marriage. The paper will expose the truth to us. Jesus says, “What I tell you in darkness,that speak ye in light: and what ye hear in the ear, that preach ye upon the housetops"(Matthew 10:27).
Here are some excerpts from the numerous correspondence I have on what people have experienced or are currently undergoing to justify my calling for this seminar and to warn every one of us who may be wise enough to take heed and learn from the mistakes of others.
1. “The night before our wedding when you were interviewing us, you asked us individually if we have known each other. The reply we gave was not correct.Instead our reply should have been 'Yes, we have known each other.' But for the fear our wedding might be cancelled we did not answer correctly. It had been in our heart to make this restitution but to make this known to you we were afraid of your reaction.”
My Reply to their letter
(Dated January 17,1991)
“Your letter of restitution dated January 10,1991 was received with much sorrow and great disappointment and at the same time I thank God the Almighty Who always stands by His Word which says,“Your sin will find you out” (Numbers 32:23b). By your sinful action, you have made the Church to have a hand in your sin and as it were the ministry has put its blessing where it ought to put its disapproval. Contained in the charge given to me as the Overseer of this work in the vast continent of Africa is the charge to reprove and rebuke offenders for wrongdoings in the Church. “Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. I charge thee before God, and the Lord Jesus Christ, and the elect angels, that thou observe these things without preferring one before another, doing nothing by partiality” (1 Timothy 5:20,21). By the receipt of this letter you are stepped down from whatever you are doing in the church.”
Their reply to my letter
“Thank God for the mighty revival that came down here in our church early this year during which time God confronted us with this restitution. Apart from your rebuke that others may take heed, both of us have had many strange trials and punishments from God Himself within these few years of our marriage, and it was of the Lord's mercy we were not consumed. Your stepping us down came as complementary to our hard experiences but we are now happy to say that,“Before I was afflicted I wentastray:but now have I kept thy word”(Psalm 119:67).
2. “Thanks so much, sir, for your advice regarding temptation from the opposite sex. The advice was timely and welcome.Before your letter came, I had been tempted at least twice but the Lord of all grace Who has taught me to deny worldly lust and ungodliness had also given me the grace to stand against such temptations. I have a friend in another country who has a senior sister here where I am living currently and their father sent me to her while I was coming here. Her message was delivered to her through the post because she lives in another state not far from mine. Her reaction was to call me on the phone and she started to tell me about her loneliness.
“Even though she knows I am a Christian,she was persistently telling me about her loneliness and at a stages he offered that if I was not comfortable where I was that I would be most welcome in her house. This is a woman married with five children and was almost weeping on the phone because the husband has deserted her. After all said and done, I told her that the only solution to her problem was to pray and draw close to God until her husband would come back home. This is a woman who has never seen me to know how I look like. To further assist her after the last telephone conversation with her, I mailed and two of our Light of Hope to her. One of the Light of Hope contains an article on 'Loneliness, a New Perspective'. This last effort sealed off her calls. It was the last which broke the camel's neck. She no longer calls me.Praise God with me for this great victory.
“Someone told me that I cannot survive without committing one bad thing or the other, but I thank God without committing sin I am more than surviving.
My pathway is very clear now. I don't want to be in the midst of sinners again, for sin had had very serious consequences on my life before I was saved. Sin nearly destroyed me before God rescued me. The Bible says,'There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death' (Proverbs 14:12).
“While reading a comment the other day, a religious writer said that sin has three major effects. First, it would deceive a man, then defile him and finally destroy him. I was a victim of deceit and defilement but I thank God that before destruction took its toll on me, I ran to God and the name of the Lord which is a strong tower, protected me and today, I am saved.”
Many are the awful and sorrowful experiences which people are going through these days maybe due to lack of full understanding about the implication of marriage. Therefore, as a watchman it is binding on me to cry aloud, to awaken you to what God says in His Word in Psalm 119:9: “Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word.”
Concluding this preamble,I have this to say,“Lo this,we have searched it, so it is; hear it, and know thou it for thy good”(Job5:27).