The right steps:
Submit yourself to God in all things if you want Him to take full responsibilities for the future. Tell Him the qualities you want in your future partner- prayerfulness, humility, Bible loving, homemaker. These are lofty ambitions.
“And thine ears shall hear a word behind thee, saying, This is the way, walk ye in it, when ye turn to the right hand, and when ye turn to the left”(Isaiah 30:21).
“Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass”(Psalm 37:5).
“In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths”(Proverbs 3:6).
Consecrate and let God choose- physical appearance, special features, riches, good musical voice and so on, will disappoint!
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD"(Isaiah 55:8).
"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding”(Proverbs 3:5).
God knows the future and once His choice is rejected on tribal, status or whatever ground, whatever is done can only lead to vexation of the spirit.
Timely proposal: Once God has approved a lady, before telling anybody, tell your pastor. He or she is in a position to know whether the person in question is free or not. If the lady is free, the pastor will ask the man to go and pray more to have enough proof from God. If the man comes back, he will be referred to the Church Marriage Counsellor if there is an arrangement as we have here in Lagos, otherwise the pastor is competent to handle the situation.
The counsellor will also interview the man and if convinced will give the man the go-ahead to approach the lady. Somehow the pastor is in the know. When the lady is approached, he also intimates her pastor about the development. The pastor will advise her to pray to know the mind of God. If the lady comes back to say yes, the pastor will refer her to the marriage counsellor(if there is one), who will also advise on the need to pray a prevailing prayer.
If, eventually, she prays a prevailing prayer, the counsellor will ask her to go and inform her parents. If the parents give their approval, then the counsellor will ask her to give a positive answer to the young man. If otherwise, the young man and lady will pray until the parents of the lady give their approval. If the lady is inclined to her parents' viewpoint, the proposal should be terminated. If the parents agree to the proposal, the lady will ask her parents for the engagement list. The list, when collected, will be submitted to the counsellor first, and then the spouse. When this condition is satisfied, the man and the lady can arrange with the ministry the date for their wedding.
Parents on their own cannot conduct marriage for their children and no pastor can fix marriage for the member of their congregation. It is also clear that the individuals planning to get married cannot force a date on the Church and vice versa. What happens is that the pastor will rub mind with the intending spouses and agree on a mutual date suitable to the couple and the Ministry.
On the question of how long is reasonable for a woman to say yes or no to a proposal given to her, there is no fast rule. It is common for our sisters to hold the men to ransom but that is inappropriate. Once someone has prayed through to you, pray a prevailing prayer and give an answer based on your conviction. Not your prejudices or other considerations. Be sure God spoke to you and respond in same light.
Duration of courtship: The Ministry frowns at long courtship Once the intending couple is ready, they should marry
Age disparity: It is advisable that the man be older than the lady he is proposing to marry. The man must not be too old than the wife. Why? If the man is too old there could be a generational gap between them. We must also remember that women grow older quickly. Often after childbirth, the woman can begin to grow older than her age mates who are males. This point has an inherent problem because if the woman is the type that ages quickly, the man may begin to feel that the woman is old. If the woman is older than the man and they are Christians, there will be no problem. The man is the head of the family, whether he is younger or older. If they agree to go into marriage, they are married. The woman has to submit to her husband and if the woman is older than the man, the woman must not despise the man. She is the wife of his bosom. The husband must love and cherish the wife. If the two are Christians these things are not consequential, but if they begin to listen to relations and so-called friends, problems could creep into the marriage. Once you are married, you do not allow for outside intervention.